Get Out Of Your Own Way

Get Out of Your Own Way

Answer this question right now: What’s standing in the way of you achieving your goals? 

Most people would say a lack of time, lack of resources, or lack of external support. Maybe a particular person or company or organization is responsible. 

I’m here to challenge these common answers and gently suggest that you are what’s standing in the way of achieving your goals. To achieve your goals, you have to get out of your own way first.

Taking Ownership 

The first step here is to take ownership. You need to understand that you are the one who’s in control of your destiny, not anyone or anything outside of you.

This is more difficult than it sounds, because the truth is that not taking ownership is usually a more comfortable place to be. We can always point to reasons why we haven’t achieved what we set out to achieve – she did this to me, or he said that about me, or the economy/the government/the weather/etc. stopped me from reaching my goal. 

But this is a victim mentality and it doesn’t serve you in the end. It only takes away your power and prevents you from discovering new ideas and solutions that could serve you. While it can feel scarier to take ownership and, therefore, take responsibility for your successes and your failures, it’s necessary. 

Stop making excuses. Get out of your own way and take ownership of your life and your future. 

Staying Open 

When you’ve done that, next you can open yourself up to the opportunities that are out there waiting for you. Stay focused on your dreams so the universe can help you along your path. Be on the lookout for new people and new experiences that may aid you in your purpose, even if at first they don’t seem to be relevant. Listen to your body and when you feel that buzz of energy lighting you up, then you know you’re onto something good; follow it. 

This can be the hardest part of getting out of your own way, because it requires you to slow down and pay attention. Many of us are busy, busy, busy. But sometimes you need to stop and tap into something more subtle and listen to your instincts. If you don’t, you could miss out on the opportunities that are waiting for you. 

Welcome Change; Don’t Run from It 

We are meant to live a big life and achieve our biggest dreams. Don’t be afraid of it! Doing this means welcoming change rather than avoiding it for the sake of comfort. It means opening up so you can allow all the good things to come to you that are destined for you. All you have to do is stop preventing your own success. Get out of your own way and see what’s in store for you.

Action Starts with You – Make a Difference

Some people wait around for something to happen to them in life. They’re waiting for that phone call, or that knock at the door, that will change their destiny. 

But you know what? Ninety-nine percent of the time, that’s not how life works. Ninety-nine percent of the time, it takes determination, it takes effort, it takes action, to change things and make a difference. 

Take Responsibility and Take Control 

The problem with the person waiting around for life to happen to them is that they’ve given up control. They don’t think they’re in charge of the direction of their life. But each and every one of us is in charge of the life we live. You need to start by acknowledging that and taking responsibility for it. 

In practical terms, that means you don’t wait around for other people to fix your problems or make your dreams come true for you. You don’t make excuses for your actions, or your lack of action. You determine what you want and you make a plan to go for it. You do that because you know that ultimately, you are in control of your life, and that’s true whether you take responsibility for it or not. 

Taking the First Step 

This concept is applicable to the biggest dreams you have in your life, and it’s applicable to the small, day-to-day interactions, too. 

For example, imagine a couple that bickers frequently. They both want to be right and neither of them wants to be the first to say “I’m sorry.” (Do you know any couples like this? They’re common. Perhaps you’re in a relationship like this right now.) Arguments can quickly devolve 

into stalemates because neither one will step up and take action and apologize first. When this happens over and over, couples grow apart and relationships fail. All because neither would take responsibility and take action first. They expected the other one to make the first move. 

It Begins with a Single Step 

Is your dream to become a doctor? Take the first step of studying for the MCATs or fulfilling undergraduate science courses so you can apply to medical school. Is your dream to be a professional musician? Take the first step of finding a music teacher or coach to help you improve your skills. Is your dream to own your own business? Take the first step of meeting with a mentor at the SBA or applying for a tax ID number from the IRS. Whatever your dream is, identify the first step on your journey, and take it! 

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,” as the Chinese Taoist proverb goes. No matter how far away your goal seems to you right now, the only way you can reach it is by taking that first step. The incredible thing is, once you take action towards fulfilling your dream, that’s when things start falling into place and the universe starts helping you along. That’s when things get exciting and you can really make a difference in the world.

Your Life Matters: Use It Wisely

There are currently over 7.5 billion people on the planet. Yes, 7,500,000,000+ people! The number is so large, it’s hard to conceive. 

It’s easy to feel like a small fish in an enormous pond. It’s easy to feel like our individual lives don’t matter. After all, what possible impact can one individual have in such a huge world? 

If you ever start to feel this way, just remember: Your life matters. You matter. You have something to contribute to the world that no one else has. 

Invisible Impact 

Have you ever known someone who has committed suicide, or someone who experienced the suicide of someone close to them? Then you’ve seen how much the life of one individual matters. Perhaps the person who took their own life was in a place where they couldn’t think beyond themselves and believed that their actions would only affect them. But you knew that wasn’t true. Family members, friends, coworkers, and members of the community were all impacted by that one decision, and for many of them, it’s a pain they’ll never recover from. 

We’re often not aware of the impact we have on others, and there’s no way we can know the extent of it. I’m certain that at some point in your life, you’ve given some excellent advice to an acquaintance that changed the course of their life. You may have said exactly the right thing to a friend in a moment of need that allowed them to tackle a challenge head on. You may have done a small kindness that seemed like nothing to you at the time but changed a stranger’s day for the better. This is the invisible impact we have on others that can make a big difference in the world without us realizing it. 

Pain of Discipline, or Pain of Regret 

Once you’ve accepted the truth that your life matters, you need to decide how to use it. The way I see it, you have two choices: you can experience the pain of discipline and working hard, or the pain of regret for having given up on your dreams. Either way, you’ll experience pain. 

I’ll tell you a secret. It’s something I learned firsthand after becoming an author and motivational speaker, something I wanted to do for a long time. It’s this: Even though I felt the pain as I worked towards achieving my dreams, it was entirely worth it. Unlike the pain of 

regret, which follows you to your last days, the pain of discipline is gone once you’ve reached your goal. It’s suddenly a distant memory. 

There’s a quote from Muhammad Ali that fits here. He said “I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.’” He’s clearly someone who chose the pain of discipline over the pain of regret. 

How Are You Going to Use It? 

As long as you’re alive, you’re able to serve others and make a positive difference in this world. And that’s why your life matters.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

There’s a lot to be said for staying in your comfort zone. After all, that’s where you thrive. In your comfort zone, you have the knowledge and skills you need to succeed and you know exactly what to expect.

But there’s no progress in the comfort zone. No innovation or invention. Just imagine what the world would be like if everyone stayed in their comfort zone and never dared to try anything new. We’d be stuck with the same technology, the same knowledge, and the same attitudes as in the past.

That’s why you need to get out of your comfort zone. It’s only when you dare to leave it that amazing things can happen in your life.

 

What’s Holding You Back?

Is it fear? Maybe you fear the humiliation of other people seeing you fail publicly, or maybe you don’t have the resilience that can help you pick yourself up and move on after failing.

Is it lack of self-confidence? Maybe you have dreams but you don’t believe you are actually capable of reaching your goal.

Is it your external circumstances? Maybe your family or friends are holding you back, discouraging you from upsetting the status quo. Maybe you don’t have the time, or the money, or the space to do whatever it is you dream of doing.

If you recognize yourself in any of these descriptions, then I have something to tell you: these are all excuses. You can overcome fear, you can build up your self-confidence, you can expand beyond your current circumstances. In fact, getting out of your comfort zone is one of the best ways to do all these things. You just first need to recognize that you are in control of your life.

 

What’s Waiting for You

It’s almost impossible to take your life or your business to a new level if you stay in your comfort zone. What’s more, that little voice whispering inside you, reminding you of your dreams, telling you what you should be doing, that voice will disappear if you continue to stay in your comfort zone and ignore it. Your creative energy, your visions, and your dreams will die.

What you need to do is take bold action. Many people make the mistake of waiting for the universe to act first and give them what they need in order to start pursuing their dreams but that’s backwards. You need to act first, then the universe will align on your behalf.

For me, it was only when I stepped out of my comfort zone of being a dentist with a conventional practice that I began to explore my full potential and realize my dreams of being a motivational speaker, author, and coach. It wasn’t easy and it was definitely scary at times, but it was 100% worth it.

 

Don’t Do It for Yourself

If you’re feeling reluctant about taking that first big, bold step, think of it this way: It’s not about you. The more you step out of your comfort zone, the more you’ll be able to impact others in a profound way. It’s when you live your purpose that you can truly affect change and help the world improve, a little bit at a time. It all starts with that purposeful step into the unknown.


Learn about How to Be The Best You.

be the best you

How to Be the Best You

Answer yes or no: Are you the Best You you can be?

I don’t know you personally, but my guess is that you answered “no” to that question. I’m guessing you feel like you have a long way to go towards being your Best You. We all do. We have a vision in our minds of what ourselves and our lives could be, and we don’t measure up to it – at least not yet.

This isn’t meant to be depressing, but inspiring. Because I believe that how to be the Best You is not by being the Best You. Instead, it’s by continually improving yourself to become a better version of yourself. Here are some of my thoughts on self-improvement and why it’s powerful.

We Love Stories of Change

As a culture, we love movies and books in which a character evolves and grows. At the end of Casablanca, Rick chooses sacrifice over selfishness. Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz learns a lesson about valuing home. Red from The Shawshank Redemption begins to hope again.

We like stories where the characters change not only because we like a happy ending, but because we recognize the truth in them. People change in real life all the time. When people change for the better, their stories of self-improvement can be a beacon of inspiration and hope to others. Think of how many high-profile figures share stories of their difficult childhoods or rough beginnings. We don’t focus on who and what they were at the start, but on who and what they became later on.

It’s the same for you. Being the Best You means constantly evolving and working to be better than you were yesterday. If you have your own story of a difficult childhood or rough beginning, as many of us do, you can’t let that hold you back. Instead, let it inspire you to make an even greater change over the course of your own story. You never know how many people your own story of self-improvement will inspire.

It’s Never Too Late

At the start of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, Ebenezer Scrooge is a miserable and miserly man with money but no friends or family that love him. After visitations from the Ghost of Christmases Past, Present, and Future, he realizes he’s living his life all wrong. He discovers love for his fellow man and wakes up on Christmas morning a happy, generous person. It’s one of the most beloved stories of all time that’s been told countless times.

Some people make excuses and lament that it’s too late for them to improve themselves and their lives. But remember that Scrooge is already an old man at the start of the story, yet we’re moved by the improvement he makes to his character overnight.

The moral is, it’s never too late to change for the better; as George Eliot said, “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” Just as you can’t let unfortunate beginnings stop you from working towards being your Best You, you can’t let your age stop you, either.

Self-Improvement Never Stops

If you want to be the Best You you can be, then you need to get used to working on improving yourself to become the best version of yourself you can be. The truth is that no matter how much we change, there will still be room for improvement. That’s because as we continue to achieve our goals, our dreams become bigger and bigger, too. The only way to be your Best You is to accept that you can really only be the Best You At This Moment – and that’s good enough.

become a leader

Become the Leader You Were Always Meant to Be

Are you the leader you want to be? Whether you’re at the top of a multi-national company or the leader of your family unit, it’s always smart to work on becoming a better leader. I believe that anyone can be an effective leader as long as they are deliberate. Here’s my advice on how you can become the leader you were always meant to be.   

Know Where You’re Going – and Have a Plan to Get There  

You can’t be a leader if you don’t know where you’re going. Having vision on behalf of a group is one of the hallmarks of a successful leader. You need to be able to see what the end result will look like and express that vision to the people you’re leading.  

Now that you know where you’re going, make a plan to get there. This plan will consist of one overarching goal and many smaller goals that help you move from Point A to Point B all the way to Point Z. Don’t leave too much to chance. It’s better to have a plan that you later change than to have no plan at all. When you have a plan, you can measure your progress against it and make sure you’re still on track. Without a plan, you may find yourself leading in circles with nothing to show for the work you’ve done together.  

Work Your Goals  

Write down your goals. It’s not enough to have them in your mind. You must write them down. This is a simple exercise but a very powerful one that is the first step in making your dreams manifest in the real world.  

Once they’re written down, read them aloud twice a day. Speaking them out loud into the universe is another simple but powerful exercise. It signifies that you’re not keeping your goals to yourself, but sharing them with others. It’s also powerful to share your goals with other people. They can hold you accountable along the way.  

Another powerful thing happens when you write down your goals and share them with others. You get your mind working on your behalf. While your conscious mind may be on other matters, your subconscious mind is going to work without you knowing it, looking for solutions and opportunities to bring to the surface when the time is right.  

Go Get What’s Yours  

Don’t wait for others to hand you what you want on a silver platter. If you think life works that way, you’re in for a rude surprise. You have to go out there and get what you want – get what’s yours. You’ll never find a shortcut that means you can achieve your goals without taking action and doing the hard work, so stop looking for one.  

Instead, commit to the hard work and cultivate discipline in yourself to do what you need to get done every day. This is how leaders and other successful people achieve their goals. 

Become the Leader You Envision  

Great leaders blend practical skills with the ability to dream clearly and dream big, and that’s what the steps above guide you through. You can see that when it’s broken down like this, it’s not intimidating. You can become the leader you’ve always wanted to be. Start by believing it’s possible, then take the next step.

Stay the course and never give up

Stay the Course: Never Give Up & Never Stop Growing

Imagine you’re in a taxi on the way to the airport to catch an important flight. Your ride could go off without a hitch: traffic is light, you get green lights the whole way, and you arrive at the airport with plenty of time to spare and no stress. This is the way you wish it could be all the time.  

Or it could go the other way: there’s heavy traffic from door to door, you encounter nothing but red lights, and you get to the airport a frazzled mess with minutes to spare. This is what you’re hoping will not happen.  

Though one journey was more pleasant than the other, the result is the same. You got to the airport. You were able to catch your important flight. By the time you reach your destination, you’ve probably forgotten the taxi ride, because the most important thing was getting to your destination.  

Can you even imagine being in that second scenario and deciding at some point to just give up? “Getting to the airport is just too difficult and it’s no fun. I don’t want to catch my flight anymore. Just let me out here in the middle of the highway and I’ll go home.” Of course you wouldn’t. This scenario is ridiculous. Even if you were truly late, you’d still go to the airport and try to get on the next flight, because you know the important thing is not the ride to the airport itself, but getting to your final destination. 

When Do You Decide to Give Up?  

Forgive this long metaphor but I hope you can see where I’m going with this. The goal you’re currently pursuing in your life is where you’re flying to. The work you’re putting into achieving it is the taxi ride to the airport. Sometimes it goes even better than planned, and sometimes it’s a disaster filled with roadblock after roadblock.  

If you’re truly committed to your goal and you believe that achieving it is important, then you won’t let those roadblocks stop you, no matter how many you encounter. Getting out of the taxi on the side of the road is like abandoning your project halfway through. It’s just as silly and counterproductive. It also misunderstands the relationship between a goal and the work required to achieve it.  

You don’t have to enjoy the work every step of the way when you know that the thing you’re pursuing is truly worth it. You just have to have faith that if you keep working towards your goal, you will eventually achieve it – roadblocks or not.  

Learning to Love the Roadblocks  

We all want to be in the first taxi. That’s not realistic, though. When pursuing goals, especially when they’re of the Very Large variety, you’re pretty much guaranteed to run into some roadblocks along the way.  

Rather than hating them, you should learn to love them. That’s because they’re teaching you something new each time. With each setback that keeps you from progressing towards your goal, you have to do something new to get beyond it. You may need to learn a new skill, try a new tactic, or work with a new person. Or it could be internal. You may need to learn to develop patience, or grow a backbone, or commit to being honest at all times.  

This is how you continue to grow as a person. We don’t grow when we’re in our comfort zones. There’s no reason to. We only grow when we’re pushed outside and have to deal with things we’ve never dealt with before. This is why you should learn to love the roadblocks that are (temporarily) keeping you from your goal. They help you become a better version of yourself.  

Stay the Course  

No one said the journey to your goals was going to be easy and fun. I’m actually here to tell you that the journey will not always be easy and fun. If your goal is big enough, it will stretch you, and that can be painful. In the end, it’s worth it. Commit to your goal, stay the course, and you can’t help but grow in the process.

The Honesty Double-Standard

As kids, we learned that “honesty is the best policy” and as adults we all agree that it’s an important value. Yet so many of us do not practice honesty at all times. In fact, although honesty should be straightforward, our relationship with it can be downright complicated.

The Honesty Double Standard

Some people have two standards when it comes to honesty. They want the right to be brutally honest when talking to someone else, but they don’t want that same brutal honesty directed back towards them. They may tell others (and themselves) that they really do want honest feedback, but when they get it, they don’t know how to handle it.

It’s similar to how many people are about accountability. They are the first person to blame when other people make a mistake, but they have difficulty accepting accountability for their own blunders, so they pass the blame on to someone else.

This is hypocrisy, pure and simple. These kinds of behaviors do not do anything to improve the world and only reflect badly on a person’s character.

Honest Some of the Time

It’s easy to be honest when that honesty can’t hurt someone. It’s when we face the prospect of hurting people’s feelings that we figure a little dishonesty can’t hurt. This happens a lot in minor social situations. For example, you tell the proud parents of a not-so-cute baby that their baby is the most beautiful baby you’ve ever seen. Or you tell your friend that no, that outfit does not make you look fat, when it really does. Or someone asks you to guess their age and you shave off a few years because you know that what they really want is not for someone to guess their age, but to get reassurance that they look younger than they are.

Not wanting to hurt people’s feelings is a good thing. It’s perfectly understandable why so many people are lax about honesty in situations like the ones above. Yet it’s still dishonesty. It’s still upholding a double standard that in some cases, honesty is the right thing, and in other cases, honesty can be cast aside.

Getting Over the Double Standard

First, be real with yourself. If you say that you’re the kind of person who wants to hear the truth, then learn how to handle it well when it comes your way. When someone tells you what they really think, you must thank them for their honesty, even if you don’t like what you hear. This is the only way people will learn that they can actually take you at your word and be honest with you. You don’t have to agree with what they say, and you don’t have to act on it, but you do have to respect their honesty.

You also have to commit to honesty as a value that you don’t compromise on. Yes, this may lead to some awkward moments at first. Over time, however, you’ll be teaching people that they can trust in you, because you always speak the truth. You’ll also be developing your true character, one of the greatest assets a human can have.

Have the Courage to Dream Big

Our culture can be very harsh towards dreamers. There’s an unspoken belief that dreaming big is just for children, no grown-ups allowed. We ask four-year-old Billy what he wants to be when he grows up and he says, “I want to be president. And an astronaut. And a garbage man.” We smile because we know that no one is all those things when they grow up, as Billy will be taught in time.

I find this very sad. I believe that dreaming big should be encouraged in everyone, even adults. Dreaming big is how we explore our truest desires and special gifts we have to share with the world. We just need the courage to do it.

Big Dreams Take You on a Journey

Having big dreams is not an ego trip. God wants us to dream big so we can reach our greatest potential. The great thing about having big dreams is that if you reach them, you get what you want. If you don’t reach them, you’re still far beyond where you ever would have ended up if you’d never dreamed at all.

Big dreams force us to stretch ourselves in ways we never imagined. We stretch ourselves by believing that we’re capable of more than we thought. We stretch ourselves in the actual work we do as we pursue our dreams. We stretch ourselves by facing our true nature as we struggle along the way, coming face-to-face with the things we love about ourselves and the things we aren’t so proud of. It’s an incredible journey.  

The Universe Takes Notice

When you dream big and start taking action towards making your dreams come true, the universe notices. That’s when things start aligning for you. Opportunities appear that you could never have anticipated. People show up with the connections or the words of encouragement you need at just the right moment. It can start to feel like magic – and it is. You just have to be open to letting the universe help you on your way.

Why Doesn’t Everyone Dream Big?

I believe part of it is our culture that doesn’t encourage big, outlandish dreams past the age of 8 or so. I also believe that many people who used to dream big stop believing in themselves somewhere along the way. They look around at the life they’ve created for themselves and they see the responsibilities they have rather than the opportunities that are in front of them. In the end, they have a much smaller impact on the world than they could have had, and they keep their unique gifts to themselves rather than sharing them with the world.

It’s easy to let this happen as we go about our daily lives. The fact is, we do have responsibilities and families and bills to pay. But being responsible and dreaming big are not mutually exclusive. We can do both. We just need the courage to allow ourselves to dream.

Having the Courage to Believe You Can Do Something Great

There’s a quote by Marianne Williamson that you may have heard that speaks to this idea. It goes: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure… We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.” This is the mindset you need to develop the courage to dream big. The question is not whether you are capable or worthy of doing incredible things. The question is, why wouldn’t you be?

Go dream big. It’s what you were meant to do.

One Door Closes, Another Opens: The Story of How I Became a Dentist

Every person has their own story about how they got into the field they’re currently in. For some people, they drifted into their jobs without any forethought. For others, they weighed the pros and cons of the careers they were considering and chose the one that was the best fit in terms of education, income, lifestyle, and skills.

Still other people ended up in their profession due to a life-changing event. They were called to their job and are deeply committed to it because it’s so personal. This is how it was for me, and this is the story of how I became a dentist when I originally wanted to be a musician.

How My Grandfather Changed the Course of My Life

When I was a teenager, my grandfather was diagnosed with throat cancer. This news devastated me. I loved my grandfather and I also looked up to him as a mentor. At the same time, I had a scholarship to Central Michigan University just waiting for me. I didn’t know what I wanted to do though, as my whole world was in chaos. I ultimately decided that it wasn’t right for me and I remember the moment I told my mother that I would not be going to college right out of high school and instead was going to turn down a full ride.

Unsurprisingly, she wasn’t happy about this news. She was also dealing with the news of my grandfather’s – her father’s – throat cancer diagnosis. She told me she didn’t have money saved for my education if I wanted to go to college in the future. I told her I understood and I’d never ask her for a dime. In the end, she supported my decision because she knew I was committed to it.

My grandfather lived for three years from the date of his diagnosis before he finally passed on February 3, 1994. At that time I was still not in school but pursuing a career in music, which I was happy with. His death set me on a new path when I realized I needed to honor him after all he had done to bless my life.

Choosing a New Path

I had originally wanted to be a medical doctor but my wife Sabrina, a registered nurse, felt that being an MD wasn’t right for me. She knew how devoted I was to my family and while I might like the patient interaction and the work itself, I wouldn’t like being tied to a pager my whole life.

That’s when I knew that dentistry was the right choice for me. It would allow me to remain devoted to my family but still build a thriving career. It would allow me to work closely with patients and give them exceptional care. It would allow me to help people with throat cancer and make a difference in people’s lives by helping prevent the terrible disease that had taken my grandfather’s life.

It took a long time but I did it. Nine years after my grandfather’s death, nine years after making that decision, I graduated from dental school and began my life as a dentist and I haven’t looked back since.

Honoring My Grandfather

I believe that everything worked out as it was supposed to. My decision to turn down Central Michigan was a scary one at the time, but I knew in my heart it was right. I was able to live my dream of being a musician for a few years before turning my attention to dentistry, which was ultimately the right career choice for me. I have my grandfather to thank for it. Because of him, I’m able to honor his memory and help change my patients’ lives every single day.